I Went to China...

... because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

That, of course, is what Henry David Thoreau famously said in Walden, except he went to the woods while I'm the one who went to China.

This summer, during my glorious three and a half weeks in America, I realized that none of you believed me when I said I was going to live abroad for ten (or more) years. And yet, here I am, back in Beijing. And I have no intention of working in the U.S. anytime soon.

I also realized that I'd never done a very good job of explaining my reasons to you... I tried three years ago, and obviously failed. And I actually started writing this post right after I returned three weeks ago, but still couldn't quite explain it.

And then today, while prepping for a lesson, I stumbled across Thoreau's quote. I've seen it before of course; we all have. I've even been known to quote it to myself or others on occasion. (Although I must admit I've never made it through the whole book, and I've tried more than once, both as a teen and an adult. He's just. So. Wordy. And dry.) But there are moments when the man can make his pen sing. This quote is one of those moments.

Thoreau continues is much the same vein, and this much-quoted passage ends with this:

I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.

I'm not sure there is any better description for life in China, although I must admit that my Western, whitewoman, privileged, prima donna ways keep me from really living as most Chinese do. Somethings I choose, somethings are thrust upon me by my well-meaning, kind hosts, but I have a much more robust understanding of what is truly essential in life now than I did three years ago.

I must think about my moves and decisions. I must learn to communicate, and learn what is essential for communication. I am learning patience and understanding and graciousness. My life is full of tiny frustrations that turn into monumental nightmares and tiny victories that turn into life-affirming epic poems.

And sometimes, life in China is mean and I (quite literally) publish that to the world. But often, life in China is truly sublime, and I hope you see that reflected in this blog also.

So now, the next time someone asks me why I moved to China, I can simply tell them that I wished to live deliberately. And I have. And I am.


- Do you really care this was posted using BlogPress from my iPad?

Location:Beijing, China