Breakfast of Champions

There are a few things that are a perpetual drag on any Westerner visiting China: one is the toilets, the other is breakfast. (Yes, we have first world problems.)

Asian breakfast is nothing like Western breakfast, and I have met far more Westerners who are exasperated by it than love it. Coffee is often nonexistent. Bacon is hard to come by at the best of times; edible sausage is even harder. Eggs are not always to be found. Typically, breakfast looks a lot like lunch, with stir-fry, noodle dishes, and frosting-laden cake for desert. There is usually a thin porridge dish, but the toppings are bizarre, salted vegetable, fish, or meat pickles.

Years ago, however, I was schooled in the ways of eating well on a tight budget. It was during the Time of the Squirrel, and as state employees, neither of us had any money to spare, but we had a deep and abiding love of good food. Add to the mix the Squirrel's vegetarianism, and I learned how to adapt and adjust the offerings at various hotel buffets and fast-food locations.

There are a few simple tricks, the first (obviously) is to be prepared. Arm yourself with knowledge. Know what you are likely to find and then figure out how to fill in the gaps. Taking mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, or hot sauce packets can help transform a bland hotel sandwich into something edible (no sandwich is worth eating without mayo). A plastic baggie of chai-flavored tea bags and some sachets of sugar and creamer can make a delicious hot beverage at any campsite or at any convenience store: just add hit water!

Rule number two: Yes, you will need to become something of a packrat. Knowing that mayo and mustard would spice up your sandwich is no good I'd you have no packets of condiments on hand. Fast food joints are your friends in this regard.

Rule number 3: Don't be afraid to break the food down into its constituent parts. Feel free to combine items in ways that the "chef" did not intend. Put bananas on top of that waffle at the Days Inn breakfast. Why not slice and throw on some apples, too?

You might remember that a couple of years ago, for my birthday, I went to Qingdao with my friends. While it was nice and the brewery was cool, there were some issues, mainly about food. We stayed in a Chinese hotel that was far away from the Western part of town, so coffee was nonexistent. Breakfast was bizarre and the Starbucks and McDonald's were not within walking distance. Some us were very miserable, I was disappointed with our combined lack of preparation, and TC3 said she would never travel in China again.

Here is what I learned:
Starbucks Via is a godsend. Nescafé tastes like shit, but Via actually tastes like coffee. Say what you will about the Starbucks empire destroying locally-owned coffee shops, they make a good product and take care of their employees.
Salt and pepper are critical. It is nearly impossible to get them in a Chinese restaurant, even when you know how to say it in Chinese. Wo yao... I don't actually know how to say salt or pepper, but my friend A did.
Corn congee (porridge or "mush") tastes a lot like grits. Grits is a perfectly acceptable hot breakfast cereal, especially when salt and pepper are added. (You could go the sugar route, too, but milk will be harder to find.)

So, for this trip, I brought with me both Starbucks Via and my travel salt and pepper shaker.

Yesterday, at breakfast, there were a lot of grumpy faces. The breakfast offering at our "4 star" hotel was sadly lacking. There were no beverages, not even hot water. It was mostly nasty stir-fry and weird pickled things. Te tour members were trying, though, to put on a brave face and eat something.

I, however, was perfectly content in a "I can make do with this" sort of way. I had heated up hot water in the kettle in my room and made a cup of coffee which I brought down with me. There were a couple of boiled eggs left by the time I got there, so I snagged one of them. There were a couple of yo tiao (tough, savory doughnut-like sticks) pieces left and some sugar to sprinkle on top. And, there was a fresh chafing dish of corn mush.

Here's what you do: Boiled egg sprinkled with salt and pepper, "doughnut" with sugar, and corn mush also with salt and pepper. Coffee. Done.

This morning, breakfast was eschewed by everyone except TC3 and I (who I convinced to come along with me). We got there earlier (so the eggs were still warm and plentiful), as were the yo tiao (although they were cold). (Sadly, there was no cornmeal congee today, so I had one that was probably some sort of wheat. It's at once thinner than cream of wheat and with chunkier wheat bits. Still. It was warm cereal). We rounded it out with a couple of oranges that that TC3 had bought on our train ride into town.

Done. I don't have to whine, bitch, or complain. I just eat what I want treat, the way I want to eat it.

A first world solution to a first world problem.


- Do you really care this was posted using BlogPress from my iPad?

Location:Kucha, Xinjiang Autonomous Region, China