Kill Me Now

-or-

How to Ensure I Want to Jam a Pencil into my Eye

My school is forcing us to attend a two-day conference they have organized on the future of education. I might think it was worthwhile if I hadn't once helped organize an entire series of conferences. I know the process of selecting speakers is totally random when developing a conference on a topic you have marginal knowledge of. This event is more of a face-creating event than it is a serious study of educational change based upon years of research and study by a respected graduate institute of education.

An example: One of the speakers cancelled, so they asked one of my colleagues to fill in and speak on the future of teaching. He is 24 years old. He does not hold a teaching credential (or qualification as they would say in Britain). His undergraduate degree is in physics, he spent the last two years doing administrative work for my employer, and is only teaching this year (his first year) because my colleague got cancer and had to spend the year at home. Forgive me for being a snotty M.Ed, but really. His only experience is with our keen, rather intelligent, rich students who come from well-connected, well-educated families.

I'm just saying.

From our first keynote speech:

The five "i"s of future education
Internationalization
Informationalization
Innovationalization
Individualization
Incessancy

I won't bore you with the details; I could barely pay attention long enough to write down the key words (we have a simultaneous translator).

And the Chinese man sitting next to me has the worst breath in the world. It's like being stuck on the subway. And when he yawns? Did I mention you could kill me now?

Keynote speaker two (who is American) just said "informed citizenry". In China. 'nuf said.

Keynote número tres is none other than the principal of my own august institution. His speeches are usually disconnected affairs filled with rampant name-dropping and no small amount of bragging. Today, his PowerPoint presentation included this gem: "Schoo [sic] is a place for children to find their companions."

Keynote #4 was saying something about technology changing our brains and making us more visual and less verbal, but I'm not sure. I was too busy checking Facebook.

And then there was lunch. They said we would be a Western buffet in the restaurant, but if that was Western, then I'm a blond. But it wasn't horrible and I managed to amaze some of the visiting teachers with my "intricate" knowledge of the Chinese educational system. Aside from the Chinese teachers at our table (and I don't think they spoke English), I have been in Beijing the longest. I did my best to put a positive spin on my spiel and keep it up-beat. I was actually impressed with myself given the level of sarcasm I've been spewing out all morning.

Now I'm sitting in break-out session yi (one). The a/v in the room is dicey and I'm in the very back so I can also hear the murmur of the simultaneous translator. And, while I went into it with somewhat positive hopes for actual learning because the speaker is a cognitive psychologist from the University of Southern California, he keeps on telling us that he actually works with adults, so I find my attention wavering. Angry Birds anyone? Wait — he just mentioned Angry Birds as a teaching tool. Let me finish level 6-1... When my colleague asked the key question — What to do when parents complain that you are using games instead if teaching to the test — he had no answer.

I totally skived off break-out two. Somehow, an IB commercial or a repeat of break-out one just wasn't my cup of tea. I hear the third choice was given by a Chinese principal who began his talk by saying he didn't have enough time to prepare his speech or a PowerPoint. Furthermore, he didn't know anything about the topic. See paragraph 1.

The last break-out options of the day were led by similarly uninspiring speakers, so I grabbed friend of mine who will also not be returning to the school next year and left. I know of a cute Chinese cafe just down the road a piece, so we grabbed a cab and I gave him the nearest subway station. When I say "down the road", I mean two subway stops in a straight line, but the cabbie felt the need to put it into his GPS. Yup. The perfect end to the perfect day: the world's most moronic cab driver. He didn't even have the sense to take the 3 kuai fuel surcharge.


- Do you really care this was posted using BlogPress from my iPad?

Location:World Future Education Symposium, Haidian District, Beijing, China